My fiancé and I have been dating for eight years and have been engaged for the last three.Despite this, it seems that I am no closer to getting married, as every time I try to suggest a date, he says that he is not ready to settle down yet. He doesn't seem to understand why I get so angry, but I'm 31 now and I want to get married and have kids. I pointed out that when we got engaged he asked me to marry him, but he just says that we're fine as we are for now. What really hurts too is that he spends very little time with me, he always hangs out with his friends.
He has even arranged a golf trip to France with them after Christmas, without me of course. He didn't even ask me if he wanted to go or if he had other plans that might involve him, he just assumed he'd be okay with it. I don't have many friends and there's certainly no one I can go on vacation with. I feel hurt and rejected, but he says I'm overreacting. I don't really want to break up, but I can't go on like this, not knowing where we're going.
Is there any hope for us and anything I can do?
HA
FIONA SAYS What worries me most about your email is that you don't once suggest that you love this man.
I don't like to suggest to people that a relationship may be over, but I think you'd be the first to agree that things aren't right here. Even after three years of being engaged, he's still coy about when you're getting married. Also, excluding him from vacation plans is not the kind of behavior you would expect from someone if he really cares about you. Sadly, it seems like you're no closer to understanding what your fiancé wants out of life than you were three years ago. Possibly further, in fact, because at least then he seemed sure that he wanted to marry you. He says you're overreacting, but I don't think that's true and if his behavior is hurting you, he's hurting you and he needs to accept it.
He may be fine as he is, but you are not.
He's probably quite happy that his peers see that he's in a steady relationship with a devoted fiancé without any real commitment on his part. He has his cake and is eating it. You say you don't have many friends and I think this needs to change, although I suspect it's not an easy thing to do. Please don't sit back and wait for him to decide that he needs to develop relationships outside of this one. I'm not suggesting that you double down on your fiancé, just that you need to build a social circle that doesn't depend on him. He goes out with his companions and you should do the same: don't sit inside waiting for him to come back and build a life that doesn't depend on his company.
You don't need to split up if he's not ready too, but you do need to make new friends and develop outside interests. Not only will this help you deal with your loneliness, but it will also show him that you're not dependent on him for all your social activity. It can also give him the wake-up call he needs and make him realize that he won't wait forever. Once you feel more supported and have more confidence in yourself, you can decide if he is still the man for you. If he continues to treat you as selfishly as he is now, then he reconsiders. You don't want to get stuck with someone who values having fun more than you and your family, and he needs to realize that.
I'M GAY?
I have been married for the last six years, but I have never been happy. We were brought together by family and because of his involvement, I don't feel like I can leave him. However, my problem is that I am very attracted to a friend. She doesn't know any of this and I'm sure she would be horrified to learn that I feel this way about her, even though I feel closer to her than I have ever felt for my husband. I have been fantasizing about being in a relationship with her, even though she has never given me any sign that she is interested in anything other than friendship.
She always has time to listen to my growing resentment about my marriage and I know she is a true friend who will always stand by me. I was reluctant to tell him how I was feeling because I could not afford to scare him. All of this is leading me to ask the difficult question - do you think I'm gay or bisexual?
W.S.
Fiona says that you may be gay or bisexual, but then it may be a reaction to the cold and unrequited marriage in which you seem trapped. Inevitably you will find comfort and warmth in a special person who is sympathetic - that is human nature. Although you do not tell me what is wrong with your marriage, you should take a closer look at what is holding you back. If there's no way to make things better, I just think I think you have the only option - no matter how difficult it may be. You will then be left free to consider your sexuality and what you want from the relationship.
As far as telling your friend how you feel, I suggest that you first clarify his or her attitude towards homosexuality. If she seems open to their ideas, you may be wondering if she has ever considered keeping herself. Be careful even if you notice any hesitation or opposition to the idea. You need her friendship right now and if you are looking for a way out of your marriage I doubt you will need her more than ever.
I want to be a nurse - how do I do that?
I moved to the UK a few months ago and I love it. I have taken a leave of absence to live permanently and have decided that all I want to do is train to be a nurse. I wrote to all the local hospitals but none of them responded. I know I have to train from the beginning but I'm definitely not too old - I'm 29 years old.
OB
"I'm sure you're not too old, but training to be a nurse is no longer about getting a job in a hospital," says Fiona. These days you need a degree in nursing and you must be registered with the Nursing and Midwifery Council NMC. Nurses require a high level of technical expertise and decision-making, and in addition to attending college, you learn this by spending time in a hospital setting. This is not a hospital that takes you and trains you further, although it usually comes to a university or university hospital, each with its own admission requirements. This usually means that you will need about five GCSEs plus two A-levels or equivalent.If you do not have that qualification, you can consider the role of health care assistant - for which there are no formal educational requirements. You should consider gaining work experience before applying so that you know what it is like to work in healthcare.
You can get it for a while at a care facility or at a hospital voluntarily. The Royal College of Nursing website rcn.org.uk has all the information you need about nursing training. There is also a section on healthcare assistants that can be valuable to you.
Don't give up!
If this is what you really want to work on, find a way to do it. My husband will not stop DIY. We had no money when we first got married but we were lucky enough to be able to buy a flat. It was a terrible situation and my husband worked hard to make it happen. As a result he has become really good at DIY but now even though we have a nice house and both have good paying full time jobs he will still not stop spreading chaos.Me and the kids have to point around what he's doing and if someone offers to help he gets grumpy. Most evenings and every weekend the whole house turns into his own private workshop and although I like what he is doing I just want him to finish and let us enjoy our home Give These days we can afford to pay someone. If we want to, why does he create more DIY jobs?
One
Fiona says it seems like what your husband once needed has become a hobby - and like so many hobbies it has become a craze. There is a need for compromise and he will have to understand what he is doing when you appreciate him. You and the children will like to have a better home instead of spending time with him. You need to find a moment when he is not working on a project and have him sit down to talk and explain how you and the children are feeling. Decide in advance how much DIY time you personally think is acceptable. Id end work in the evening and have at least one weekend in the month as the minimum family time. Although you both have to compromise - he clearly likes to build a wonderful home for you and your children but
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